there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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