I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize