Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
