I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
