i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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