I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize