Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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