Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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