I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
