I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
