how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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