it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
