stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
3 2 1 whiskey
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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