Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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