I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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