This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
