Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
