I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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