I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
