Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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