I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need moral support for this bender
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize