At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
