I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
