Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
