What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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