Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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