when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
