More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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