i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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