it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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