You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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