Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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