i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
