The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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