He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
