If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
