Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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