you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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