I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
