I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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