I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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