omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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