im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
