I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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