We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
