you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
