You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
