Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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