Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
