i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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