True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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