i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
