I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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