party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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