my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
