He uses pillows to masturbate.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
