Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
