I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
