Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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