dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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