is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
