In America we eat man semen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
