i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
