I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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