Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
