she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
