the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
