I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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