Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
