Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize