you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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