Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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