mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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