That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
